[I'd be missing my old face and my old body and wondering who the fuck I was anymore.]
[That hit so close to home that Tim would've thought that it was purposeful, that he was trying to cut him right to the quick, except that Majima had never seemed like a cruel person. Not to him, anyway. But the truth of it was that the things he said hit Tim hard, like a goddamn harpoon, so much so that he could almost feel the haft sticking out of him.]
[He almost wished that he hadn't come here at all, that he'd just told Majima to do this over text-- then he could've ignored this and hidden himself in his bed until he had pushed all of these emotions into a little box and just, like... buried it somewhere. And then he could just keep that mess locked up there until he died.]
I... What do you want me to say?
[He had to let go of his own tail, because he was squeezing it hard enough that it was starting to hurt.]
That I miss my face, and my body, even though I was ugly and ginger and poor? That I hate it every time I wake up in the morning and have to look in the mirror because it's his stupid face looking back at me? That it scares the shit out of me that I can't remember if some of the things I do are things that I've always done or if they're Jack's?
[His voice had been climbing, both in pitch and volume, as he dumped this whole mess of shit right onto Majima's lap, apparently. He'd kind of asked for it. He stood, probably kind of abruptly, half because he kind of felt like he wanted to just fling himself into the fucking lake so that he wouldn't be in this conversation anymore.]
I do, okay? I miss being me even if being me sucked, but I have to just freaking live with it because nobody can fix the shit they've done to me. And it's my fault! [He went to Hyperion and signed the papers. Nobody held a gun to his head and put a pen in his hand. Tim pushed his hands into his hair and gripped at it until it hurt.] God. God, and I can't even touch the rest of that, with you-- god. I can't.
[Because Tim knew certain as anything that a guy like Majima wouldn't have glanced twice at him if he had looked like the kid that left Tantalus. If he'd just been some skinny little ginger kid.]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-05-07 04:56 am (UTC)[That hit so close to home that Tim would've thought that it was purposeful, that he was trying to cut him right to the quick, except that Majima had never seemed like a cruel person. Not to him, anyway. But the truth of it was that the things he said hit Tim hard, like a goddamn harpoon, so much so that he could almost feel the haft sticking out of him.]
[He almost wished that he hadn't come here at all, that he'd just told Majima to do this over text-- then he could've ignored this and hidden himself in his bed until he had pushed all of these emotions into a little box and just, like... buried it somewhere. And then he could just keep that mess locked up there until he died.]
I... What do you want me to say?
[He had to let go of his own tail, because he was squeezing it hard enough that it was starting to hurt.]
That I miss my face, and my body, even though I was ugly and ginger and poor? That I hate it every time I wake up in the morning and have to look in the mirror because it's his stupid face looking back at me? That it scares the shit out of me that I can't remember if some of the things I do are things that I've always done or if they're Jack's?
[His voice had been climbing, both in pitch and volume, as he dumped this whole mess of shit right onto Majima's lap, apparently. He'd kind of asked for it. He stood, probably kind of abruptly, half because he kind of felt like he wanted to just fling himself into the fucking lake so that he wouldn't be in this conversation anymore.]
I do, okay? I miss being me even if being me sucked, but I have to just freaking live with it because nobody can fix the shit they've done to me. And it's my fault! [He went to Hyperion and signed the papers. Nobody held a gun to his head and put a pen in his hand. Tim pushed his hands into his hair and gripped at it until it hurt.] God. God, and I can't even touch the rest of that, with you-- god. I can't.
[Because Tim knew certain as anything that a guy like Majima wouldn't have glanced twice at him if he had looked like the kid that left Tantalus. If he'd just been some skinny little ginger kid.]