[ Majima listened quietly, letting the words wash over him while a kind of dull ache settled down in the core of his chest -- a feeling both oppressive and increasingly familiar. He'd hated himself for a long time after what had gone down with the Ueno Seiwa. Before, too, as the sum of his decisions had always been a slow arc towards the death he claimed to be ready for. Unlike so many others, he didn't rate better.
But it had always been his own face that he'd had the luxury of staring down in the mirror, and it was so easy to spot in others the value that was difficult to find in himself. The hatred that Tim directed at himself now was hard to hear because it was so obvious (to Majima, at least) that he didn't deserve it. ]
I'm sorry.
[ As always, what Majima was thinking was difficult to nail down at a look. But as Tim spoke, his expression softened. There was concern, regret, but with them was something else. Gratitude... or maybe relief? His voice was subdued when he spoke, and while he didn't follow Tim at first, he stood when the man started to pull at his hair and reached out to touch a hand to the curve of Tim's upper arm. ]
I asked because I wanted to know more about you. I didn't want to hurt you by sayin' something stupid, but I couldn't tell what you were thinking, either. Suppose I only made things worse.
[ He'd had a feeling Tim was leaving things unsaid, but the sheer extent of Timothy Lawrence's hurt was something Majima had never gotten the depth of; it was like kicking out with his feet and realizing the bottom had fallen away. ]
You're not him, you know. Whatever papers ya signed, whatever habits you picked up, you don't deserve to suffer the way you have.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2019-05-07 11:59 pm (UTC)But it had always been his own face that he'd had the luxury of staring down in the mirror, and it was so easy to spot in others the value that was difficult to find in himself. The hatred that Tim directed at himself now was hard to hear because it was so obvious (to Majima, at least) that he didn't deserve it. ]
I'm sorry.
[ As always, what Majima was thinking was difficult to nail down at a look. But as Tim spoke, his expression softened. There was concern, regret, but with them was something else. Gratitude... or maybe relief? His voice was subdued when he spoke, and while he didn't follow Tim at first, he stood when the man started to pull at his hair and reached out to touch a hand to the curve of Tim's upper arm. ]
I asked because I wanted to know more about you. I didn't want to hurt you by sayin' something stupid, but I couldn't tell what you were thinking, either. Suppose I only made things worse.
[ He'd had a feeling Tim was leaving things unsaid, but the sheer extent of Timothy Lawrence's hurt was something Majima had never gotten the depth of; it was like kicking out with his feet and realizing the bottom had fallen away. ]
You're not him, you know. Whatever papers ya signed, whatever habits you picked up, you don't deserve to suffer the way you have.