[That's the funny thing about deserving-- does anyone really deserve anything? Did Tim deserve to look in the mirror every morning and hate what he saw? Did Majima deserve to feel guilty for being forcibly separated from his brother when he needed him? Maybe not. Maybe bad shit happened to otherwise decent people and there wasn't any speck of justice to it.]
[Tim wasn't expecting an apology, though. He kind of figured he'd get told to calm down or stop making a scene, the stuff that he was usually told to do when he was upset. Maybe he should've expected something less, well, shitty; Majima had always been kind to him, so why would he act differently now?]
[His hand rested on Tim's bicep and the gentle touch stopped him in his tracks, pulling the breaks on his stupid rant. He let go of his hair-- now a mess from how tight his fingers had been grabbing at it, and not in a hot way-- and lowered his arms a little.]
I... I wish I could believe that?
[Not the Jack part, he knew that he wasn't Jack-- he'd said it as much to the man's face, just once when he'd too briefly had enough spine to talk back to him. It had been a short-lived moral victory, though; Tim didn't stay brave for very long.]
[He wished that he could believe that he was a decent person who didn't deserve what he'd gotten, but at the end of the day, he'd helped Jack every step of the way. He'd had a hundred chances to stop Jack, and he didn't take any of them. And each time he'd had to do something terrible he'd told himself that he was just following orders, that he didn't have a choice, like that was any kind of excuse. Like that made him any less culpable.]
[He was a bad person who did bad things because he was too much of a coward to do what was right.]
God, you barely know anything. I barely told you anything.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2019-05-08 02:20 am (UTC)[Tim wasn't expecting an apology, though. He kind of figured he'd get told to calm down or stop making a scene, the stuff that he was usually told to do when he was upset. Maybe he should've expected something less, well, shitty; Majima had always been kind to him, so why would he act differently now?]
[His hand rested on Tim's bicep and the gentle touch stopped him in his tracks, pulling the breaks on his stupid rant. He let go of his hair-- now a mess from how tight his fingers had been grabbing at it, and not in a hot way-- and lowered his arms a little.]
I... I wish I could believe that?
[Not the Jack part, he knew that he wasn't Jack-- he'd said it as much to the man's face, just once when he'd too briefly had enough spine to talk back to him. It had been a short-lived moral victory, though; Tim didn't stay brave for very long.]
[He wished that he could believe that he was a decent person who didn't deserve what he'd gotten, but at the end of the day, he'd helped Jack every step of the way. He'd had a hundred chances to stop Jack, and he didn't take any of them. And each time he'd had to do something terrible he'd told himself that he was just following orders, that he didn't have a choice, like that was any kind of excuse. Like that made him any less culpable.]
[He was a bad person who did bad things because he was too much of a coward to do what was right.]
God, you barely know anything. I barely told you anything.