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[ Hear that, Tim? It was the sound of a man's soul slowly dying. He died as he lived, indulging in stupid bullshit. ]

Why do I get the feeling I dug my own grave?

[ Ordinarily? This was where Majima made a point of saying no way, no how. But something about Tim's goofy-ass smile made him reconsider. Either that or he'd finally given away his last fuck. Look upon the face of a man who realized the final dad joke was on him. ]

...alright, fine. But only for a little bit. I do actually gotta get a real swimsuit, and I don't trust this thing to stay on in a stiff breeze.

[ Or wave. So it hadn't been entirely an excuse, showing up without beachwear. And there was the whole rest of the summer to think about -- a summer hopefully free of jeados, god. He leaned in, bringing his face in close to Tim's; his hair tickled as he did so. ]

So pick somethin' hot, too.

Edited 2019-07-02 05:43 (UTC)

[Tim laughed, delighted and throaty, at the sight of Majima just relinquishing his final fuck into the ether. Maybe it was payback for all of the bad puns, maybe it was just that Majima took himself so seriously sometimes that it was kind of nice to see him just go with some bullshit. It's okay, Majima, just roll with it. Roll with the really terrible swimsuit.]

[Majima leaned in, his unbound hair dark and sleek despite the efforts of both exercise and salt spray-- fuck genetics, really-- and Tim kissed him, his head angled just right so that any prying eyes would get blocked by the floppy brim of his hat. See, it was practical.]

Okay, okay, I promise I'll pick out something good. It won't be hard.

[Majima would look good in pretty much anything that wasn't an intentional gag, and even then... there wasn't a whole lot that wouldn't compliment his ass. Maybe he could find something in red? He would look good in red. And maybe no speedos, since he didn't seem too fond of that style, but definitely not something that covered as much as those board shorts that Majima had grabbed. There had to be a happy medium between prude shorts and banana hammock, right?]

[ Okay, this was nice. This was even maybe worth the price of the jeados, although he wasn't totally sure? Just to verify, maybe Majima would just have to brace a hand against Tim's chest and follow up on that kiss with a few of his own -- at least until he heard the creak underfoot that signaled a clerk might be approaching them.

No one was; the man was adjusting stock. But that didn't detract from the enjoyment of sneaking a kiss or two. ]

Then it's a deal.

[ There were curtained-off sections, which he'd hesitate to even call changing rooms, but they'd do for this. Majima slipped behind one of them, terrible jeados in hand. ]

[While Majima retreated into the changing room to try on the world's most awful speedo, Tim went back to the racks to find something appropriate. As much as he was tempted to try to one-up even the terrible jean-print speedo-- a terrible G-string, maybe? In the brightest neon he could find?-- he had promised to pick out something decent.]

[He picked out a couple of options; suits that showed off plenty of leg, because god if Majima didn't have a nice set of stalks on him, but also looked like they wouldn't result in an unfortunate wardrobe malfunction if he actually decided to get into the water. As funny as tacky speedos were, it would be a really bad ending to the date if they got banned from the beach for accidentally flashing people.]

How's it going in there?

[He still wanted to see the jeados in action.]

Y'know, up close... this thing still looks goofy as shit.

[ The curtain was pushed aside, and... the tonal dissonance was real. The kind of swerves lesser dudes would die for, and what called to mind particularly awful daisy dukes that were already riding up his hips. Majima scrubbed a hand through his hair, all the while resisting the urge to pull the jeados down a little. ]

Well? Feels like it's tryin' to crawl up my ass.

[It's really hard not to just bust out laughing when Majima emerged-- not only did those things look absolutely ridiculous on him, amazing legs notwithstanding, but Majima's commentary on the attempted migration of the jeados just really added a certain je ne sais quois to the whole endeavor.]

Oh, wow. That's just... wow.

[He may have found the one thing that Majima didn't look sexy in.]

It's, it's really not--

[He was going to end it with 'that bad', but he couldn't lie to Majima's face like that. Really, he physically couldn't, he wasn't able to keep a straight face while he said it and had to cover his mouth with his hand. Tim held out the other picks, the ones that were significantly less stupid in cut and color. There, Majima, try on something that wasn't deliberately awful.]

Okay, okay, you should take those off. God, those really are goofy as shit.

[ Majima snorted, then took the spare pare of shorts from Tim. And 'shorts' was the operative word here; it looked to bare considerably more thigh than he was used to, but it also looked a lot less ridiculous.

So how could he refuse? ]

Go ahead, laugh all ya like. But I'm not gonna be satisfied until ya try on the taco cat shorts.

[ Turnabout was fair play, sir.

He disappeared back behind the curtain to fight his way out of the jeados. ]

Ow, shit. Whose bright idea was this thing, anyhow?

[Hey, Majima had told him to pick something hot. Ask and ye shall receive.]

Fair's fair. I can't just leave you hanging.

[So when Majima went back into that curtained changing room with his new swimwear, Tim took his taco cat board shorts into the other. He had a considerably easier time getting into his than his boyfriend apparently did, but honestly? Majima had kind of given him the easy mode in terms of ridiculous swimwear. Sure, the print's silly, but the suit itself was pretty comfortable. Maybe not the sexiest suit on the rack, but he wouldn't be afraid of any unfortunate fabric migrations, either.]

Somebody with a weird sense of humor, probably. [Why else would you made a jean-print speedo? That was a very niche market to try to capitalize on, people who liked tiny swimsuits and also denim.] Maybe it's supposed to be a gag gift or something.

[He emerged from the changing room, clad in all his taco cat glory.]

Y'know, dumb print aside, this really isn't bad?

Edited (html, my greatest weakness) 2019-07-04 06:53 (UTC)

[ Majima poked his head out of the curtains, took one look at Tim, and then turned his face aside, shoulders silently shaking. Funny thing was, though... ]

Cute,

[ He managed, just barely, before he had to pause and try to control his grin. He wasn't laughing! ]

It's practically fuckin' zen. Must be the space theme.

[ But honestly, armed with the foreknowledge that Tim liked cats, it really was kind of cute, in a tacky way. Was that a thing? He stepped out from the changing room, and boy, it turned out Tim had an excellent eye, because that swimsuit was hugging his hips like it was going out of style. Snug at the hip and ass, with not much left to the imagination... but enough. ]

So?

[ Majima took a couple of steps toward him, reaching over to put a palm just below Tim's shoulderblade. If he wanted to provide Tim a nonbiased, objective viewing angle, this kind of close proximity kind of defeated the purpose?

But maybe he actually just wanted to encourage Tim to look down and enjoy the experience. After all, dorky board shorts be damned, he was having plenty of fun getting to soak in that grade-A beach beef. ]

[Tacky cute was definitely a thing, in the same way that ugly cute was a thing. A variation on so bad that it's good.]

[But Majima in those new shorts? Well, that was the furthest from tacky that a man could get-- the opposite of tacky, anti-tacky. He looked damn good and since Majima still had one fully functional eyeball, there was no possible way that he didn't notice that he was drop-dead gorgeous. A tall drink of water in objectively small amounts of clothing.]

[Tim made a low whistle.]

You'll be the hottest thing on the beach. They look really good on you.

[Beat-people-off-with-a-stick good. It was probably a good thing that Tim wasn't terribly prone to jealousy.]

They're not too small, right? I could find something else if you aren't comfortable. Or if you're worried that they won't stay on.

[If he wanted something that covered more of the tattoo on his legs, or something that was less at risk of going out with the tide.]

[ He grinned. What a thoughtful guy, A+ boyfriending, Tim. ]

Nah, they're just small enough.

[ Not something Majima would have picked out for himself, at least not a year ago. But these days Majima found he cared a little less about playing by the rules, about passing as modest and respectable and everything else he let hold him back for years. And if his boyfriend was into it, all the better.

He flagged a cashier down to help ring them up. ]

Let's get down to the water, huh? Want to grab anythin' else while we're here?

[ Tim was thoughtful... but more than that, hanging out with him was fun. Majima was used to acting older than he was; by now, the habit was practically burned into him. But occasionally one could see those little moments of playfulness, those telltale slips that betrayed he was still twenty-five: sometimes out of his depth, prone to impulsivity and excess. Robbed of a couple years of simply existing as a young man with the freedom to make decisions for himself. Spending time with someone his age who could understand him was surprisingly

really nice. ]

[Nothing un-respectable about the amount of leg that Majima was showing. Totally respectable. He was just also ridiculously hot, which Tim was totally okay with because he was the one who got to go home with the ridiculously hot crime man. Lucky him.]

[Ringing up their stuff was a pretty quick affair, a process that was maybe only elongated a little because Tim insisted on paying for his own tacky swim trunks. He made real money these days, Majima didn't have to pay for him like he did when they went to the cat cafe.]

I think I'm good. So, I mean, unless you want to pick up a hat...

[Would he subject Majima to the horrors of a floppy brimmed straw hat? Absolutely. It would totally ruin the sexy beach look he had going on right now, but Tim didn't care. And he was kind of curious about whether Majima could even, like, physically get hat hair? Were his good hair genetics just too strong?]

[And it was nice to see Majima loosen up. Relax, have some fun, try on some ridiculous denim-print speedos. If there was anything good about this whole Cannibal Peninsula situation, it was that the expectations and responsibilities of their homes couldn't follow them here-- there was no yakuza boss to tell Majima to kill, and no vaults for Tim to hunt for Jack.]

[There's just the two of them, and an ocean that Tim still doesn't know how to swim in.]

You've got your work cut out for you, y'know. I'm putting a lot of faith in your teaching abilities.

[This could only end well.]

Edited 2019-07-11 04:16 (UTC)

Hey, I went out with Juno the other day, and things turned out.

[ Granted, Juno still knew how to splash around, so it wasn't quite the same, but still. He turned toward the shore, hand in Tim's, and... yep, they were getting some stares, all right, but the other beachgoers didn't actually hassle them, save maybe coming in for a bit of a closer look. Maybe Tim was keeping them away? He was, after all, a ripped minotaur with hooves and horns -- maybe they just didn't want to try pissing him off, taco cat swimshorts or no.

Majima dropped his bag in the sand a little ways from shore; closer to the water, the sand was fine and cool underfoot. ]

So, ya know anythin' about swimming in theory? You've seen other people do it before, right?

[Tim tried to just ignore the people who were staring at them-- probably it was because Tim was a big beefman, and minotaur were kind of rare on the peninsula, or because he was walking hand-in-hand with someone who looked completely human. That kind of thing wasn't likely very common outside of Bavan.]

He mentioned something about you giving him some pointers.

[And insisted that he totally knew how to swim all along, really, which Tim was about 99% sure was absolute bullshit. But that was fine, whatever spared Juno's poor, raccoon-man ego.]

[Tim left his things with Majima's and followed him down towards the water.]

Yeah, definitely. I've got, like, a general idea of how it works?

[Well, he'd seen it done in movies, anyway. That was close enough, right?]

[ Hey, it was better than nothing. And who knew that Juno had talked to Tim about their ocean adventures? Maybe he'd mentioned the seafood bake, too. ]

Okay.

Normally, I'd tell ya that you ought to be pretty good at floatin' already. Between the air in your lungs and body fat, human bodies generally don't want to sink.

[ He dipped his gaze down over Tim's frame as he waded deeper into the water, about waist-deep. It felt just right against skin warmed by the summer sun. ]

...unfortunately for you, [ but fortunately for Majima?? ] ya got a ton of muscle. Also, I'm not sure how your legs are gonna work into this equation. But we can still try it. See that dude over there, floatin' on his back? Like that.

Ya take a deep breath, lean back, and try and keep yourself horizontal. I'll hold ya up while ya try, how about it?

[Tim followed Majima into the water, hesitating just a little when it started to get past his knees. He'd rarely had to go into water that was deeper than his ankles, and that was usually only when there was a storm on his homeworld and the street flooded. Elpis didn't have liquid water at all, and Pandora... well, you didn't want to go very deep, because here there be threshers.]

[...There wasn't anything dangerous in the water, right? Majima totally wouldn't have taken him in if there was something that could eat him. Right?]

Um. [He listened to Majima's directions, but, like. Press X to doubt.] Okay, I guess.

[Tim tried to follow those instructions to the letter, trust what his boyfriend was telling him. He took a breath, held it, and leaned back, trying to get his legs up to float on the surface. And]

[immediately sank.]

[He flailed to get his legs back underneath him, because, well. He was sinking.]

[ Majima had his arms out to hold Tim up, though this was somewhat complicated by the flailing. Nonetheless, short of his boyfriend kicking or punching him in the face, Tim wasn't going to have his head ducked underwater. ]

Whoa, hey, I gotcha.

[ Okay, so. Floating on his back with all that fine, grade-A beef -- probably not a go. ]

You alright? [ This was... probably going to be a little rougher than it had gone with Juno. ]

[Tim got his legs underneath him and managed to avoid smacking his own boyfriend in the face while he did so. So that was good, but he also was soaked, his hair plastered down onto his head when he ran his hand back through it, to get it out of his face.]

Yeah, uh, I’m okay? I, I guess I just don’t float too well?

[Too much beef on this beef man, not enough fat. Which was great for Majima when he wanted to get his hands on some boeuf, but bad for buoyancy.]

Maybe we should skip that lesson. Move on to, uh, the next thing oh god something touched my leg.

[It was slimy and all the fur on Tim’s ears stood up the second he felt it slide past his leg. If he’d been less twinkish and had more fur above the waistline, that probably would’ve been on end, too.]

Seaweed, maybe?

[ Maybe Tim and the ocean just weren't going to get along, though the idea that the man could slog through indentured servitude to an assbag space tyrant, assassins' bullets, space cannibals, and invisible stalker aliens only to be defeated by one splashy boi was

well, everyone had a weakness or two.

It was the first time he'd seen Tim's fur stand up, and for a second he was torn between actual concern there might be some bullshit Ryslig sea monster and thinking that it was kind of weirdly cute. This place was getting to him.

Tim's legs didn't move like a human's would any more, which meant that his best chance at keeping afloat was probably -- ]

Right. Next lesson. Doggie paddle.

[ Majima shifted into his wolf form, where he treaded water in place, moving his paws in a swimming gait the way a literal dog might. ]

Here, put your arm around my neck and I'll float ya along. That way, ya can practice kickin' with your feet without worryin' about sinking.

[ Didn't you want a big old wolf floatie, Tim ]

That’s super gross, it’s so slimy.

[Look, Tim could deal with bullets and cannibals, he couldn’t shoot the goddamn ocean to make it stop being so fucking weird. Why was seaweed so gross? Why did jellyfish exist? Why were crabs so pinchy? The ocean was full of terrible things that could come into contact with Tim’s unsuspecting legs.]

[He sort of shuffled closer to Majima, as though proximity to his boyfriend could prevent seaweed encounters. Or his wolf boyfriend, whatever.]

Um. I’m not going to be too heavy, right? I don’t want to drag you down or anything.

[But he did totally want a wolf floatie, because that sounded super cute. Tim put his arm around Majima’s neck and put a little of his weight on him, just to see if he could take it without sinking.]

Nah, it's cool.

[ It didn't seem to matter than Majima was shorter as a wolf; staying afloat was surprisingly easy when his natural posture held his head above water. In fact, if Tim didn't shove his hooves in the sand, Majima would start to gently tug him along. Aha -- a practical use for those swimming paws. ]

Is it the wrong time to mention I love seaweed? It's fuckin' delicious.

[ Sorry, Tim. The ocean was simply filled with things Majima loved. Fish, crabs, squids, octopi... and now, a beefy bullman. ]

Maybe it’s delicious, but it’s gross when it’s on my leg.

[Well, Majima seemed pretty okay with the amount of beef weight that he had on him, so Tim could pick up his hooves and let his wolf boyfriend tug him along. Tim didn’t know a whole lot about the swimming strength of wolves or wolf men, but it must have been pretty good to be able to haul around a slab of beef.]

Okay, uh, so I just kick my feet?

[Tim has mostly gotten used to his cow legs, but he’d never tried to swim with them before. His kicks were clumsy and not particularly effective, not the most graceful bovine to have ever attempted a swimming lesson.]

[ Majima was maintaining a kind of underwater walking gait, though of course his paws never hit the sand beneath. ]

Right. For now, just try and get used to what it feels like, movin' underwater. You can look at what I'm doin' with my legs, too.

[ Now that Tim had something he could hold onto without sinking, and that was... half the battle? A quarter of the battle? It was probably important to not be completely terrified of drowning, anyway.

And since Tim was right there, he'd succumb to the urge to nuzzle the guy. There was no escape... ]

[Tim felt a little ridiculous, clinging to his wolf boyfriend in waist-deep water while he tried to do the most awkward cow version of a doggy paddle. And, like, try not to strangle the poor guy every time a swell bobbed them in the water, even if the water wasn't terribly rough.]

[The nuzzles were nice, though. Tim would never refuse affection from his very favorite wolfman.]

God, I feel like an idiot.

[At least he could admit it. Here he was, theoretically an Adult, clinging to his boyfriend because he didn't know how to do what was apparently a basic skill for everyone else.]

This is supposed to be easy, right?

Hey, don't look at it like that.

[ Easy for Majima to say, right? He picked up a lot of skills at a rate that might be deemed 'infuriating'. ]

There's a reason people have to take lessons -- takes 'em weeks to get good at it.

[ Okay, granted, not solid weeks, more like a couple days a week spread out during the summer, but ]

If ya get a chance, you can try to paddle with your free hand, too. Make sure ya keep your fingers together, and it'll be a lot easier to pull yourself forward.

[ Actually... in this instance, Tim's big old hands would likely be an asset. More surface area, right? ]

IC Inbox - Ryslig

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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, TIMOTHY LAWRENCE. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 011.11.201.45 * mrhandsome69 has joined 011.11.201.45 <USERNAME> First sentence of message. <BANNED USER> SCREENED MESSAGE. UNSCREEN? Y/N -- sample for when you ban someone <USERNAME> First sentence of message. <USERNAME>** First sentence of message.