Tim. Couple things I wanted to talk to you about man-to-man.
[ oh god ]
As far as everyone else knows, Angel is my assistant. Since you'll be spending a lot of time around her, you should know that she's also my daughter. My pride and joy. The single most precious thing to me in any and every single universe.
Since you are worthlessare basically worthless can't exactly fulfill your old role anymore, I want you to to function as her personal bodyguard. She's not hard to keep up with - mostly keeps to herself, almost never causes trouble. You'll watch over her when I'm gone and ensure she's cared for until I come back. Protect her with your life and I'll make sure yours is very, very comfortable.
You've always wanted to stay out of the field, right? Be comfortable and safe?
[ He fully intends to twist Tim's arm into helping him shoot/kill stuff anyway, because he's Jack, but it sure sounds nice, doesn't it? ]
Yeah, I can do that. It can't be any harder than Elpis, right? And I could get used to not getting shot at.
[Too bad he doesn't really believe that whole comfortable and safe bit. It'd be nice, but Jack would never let him just sit around when there's stuff to kill.]
Do you know if I should keep an eye out for anybody? There were a couple of people that I ran into who recognized me and were. Hostile? Yeah let's say hostile. Do they know about Angel?
Cripes, yeah. You never met those other Vault Hunter assholes, did you? The anime reject ninja made out of overcooked linguini? The blue-haired Siren bitch? Haven't seen any of the others around yet, but god knows they'll probably show up to be a great big thorn in my ass. They're a commando douche, a tiny Truxican cannibal with rage inverse to his size annnnd I dunno, I forget the rest.
And it depends on when they're from, but yeah, they eventually found out about her. They're the ones that killed her.
[ SORRY BOUT THAT MINEFIELD, BUD. ]
Obviously, no one can know she's my daughter. She's less of a target if everyone thinks she's just my assistant.
Is one of them a psycho with like a 16-pack? He called me a jackhole and said he wanted to peel off my face or something but I'm not sure if that's referencing you or just regular bandit-brand crazy.
[So many people who all want to punch Tim's douchey face. It's like the shittiest Christmas ever.]
Yeah I'll keep up the assistant story, I just want a heads-up if we know who the biggest threats are going to be. It'll be easier to keep her safe if I know who might want to hurt her.
Nevermind, not important. The important part is that all of them are threats and that all of them talked her into suicide and that if they hurt her again, I'm killing all of you.
And don't let her talk to any guys either. It wasn't exactly an issue before, but the last thing I need to worry about is her getting creeped on by every swinging dick in town. She's naive, she doesn't know any better.
[He wants to ask more about what happened-- why would a bunch of bandits and vault hunters try to convince Angel to kill herself? That's a roundabout way of killing her, if that was the goal-- but that seems tactless. Too probing. Too likely to piss Jack off.]
She'll be safe, I'll make sure of it. And if it helps, I don't think the psycho knows about you. I didn't tell him, anyway.
Good. I talked the Siren and the ninja loser into not trying to blow my face off, but all bets are off when it comes to psychos, so... yeah, keeping my distance.
You know, Tim, I don't think I've ever told you this, but you're reliable. I really appreciate that.
This is an undeveloped world, Tim - the pursuit of getting high and getting laid (generally at the same time) is, like, all these people have to do other than raise kids and farm potatoes.
This is a terrible idea. Why did Rhys agree to this??
[Does he need to run damage control on this? Be the only goddamn adult in the room? He can't let Rhys be alone with Jack and an inadvisable amount of space cocaine, he might die.]
I guess I'm in? But for the record this is still a terrible idea.
Because unlike you, Debbie Downer, Rhys actually knows how to have fun.
[ NOPE Rhys was just as unwilling, Jack just happened to talk about something so cringy that he preferred hookers and blow to having to listen to it. ]
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timeasmymeasure
un: hjack420blayz, strikethroughs got typed up and deleted bc he's nice like that
Date: 2017-12-05 10:14 pm (UTC)[ oh god ]
As far as everyone else knows, Angel is my assistant. Since you'll be spending a lot of time around her, you should know that she's also my daughter. My pride and joy. The single most precious thing to me in any and every single universe.
Since you
are worthlessare basically worthlesscan't exactly fulfill your old role anymore, I want you to to function as her personal bodyguard. She's not hard to keep up with - mostly keeps to herself, almost never causes trouble. You'll watch over her when I'm gone and ensure she's cared for until I come back. Protect her with your life and I'll make sure yours is very, very comfortable.You've always wanted to stay out of the field, right? Be comfortable and safe?
[ He fully intends to twist Tim's arm into helping him shoot/kill stuff anyway, because he's Jack, but it sure sounds nice, doesn't it? ]
that username is a work of douchey art. also un: mrhandsome69
Date: 2017-12-06 05:29 am (UTC)[Too bad he doesn't really believe that whole comfortable and safe bit. It'd be nice, but Jack would never let him just sit around when there's stuff to kill.]
Do you know if I should keep an eye out for anybody? There were a couple of people that I ran into who recognized me and were. Hostile? Yeah let's say hostile. Do they know about Angel?
i'm glad, i worked so hard to make it as dbaggy as possible
Date: 2017-12-06 05:49 am (UTC)And it depends on when they're from, but yeah, they eventually found out about her. They're the ones that killed her.
[ SORRY BOUT THAT MINEFIELD, BUD. ]
Obviously, no one can know she's my daughter. She's less of a target if everyone thinks she's just my assistant.
no subject
Date: 2017-12-06 06:45 am (UTC)[So many people who all want to punch Tim's douchey face. It's like the shittiest Christmas ever.]
Yeah I'll keep up the assistant story, I just want a heads-up if we know who the biggest threats are going to be. It'll be easier to keep her safe if I know who might want to hurt her.
1/2
Date: 2017-12-06 06:47 am (UTC)[ ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS W THIS KRIEG BULLSHIT ]
no subject
Date: 2017-12-06 06:51 am (UTC)Nevermind, not important. The important part is that all of them are threats and that all of them talked her into suicide and that if they hurt her again, I'm killing all of you.
And don't let her talk to any guys either. It wasn't exactly an issue before, but the last thing I need to worry about is her getting creeped on by every swinging dick in town. She's naive, she doesn't know any better.
no subject
Date: 2017-12-06 07:38 am (UTC)[He wants to ask more about what happened-- why would a bunch of bandits and vault hunters try to convince Angel to kill herself? That's a roundabout way of killing her, if that was the goal-- but that seems tactless. Too probing. Too likely to piss Jack off.]
She'll be safe, I'll make sure of it. And if it helps, I don't think the psycho knows about you. I didn't tell him, anyway.
1/2
Date: 2017-12-08 01:02 am (UTC)You know, Tim, I don't think I've ever told you this, but you're reliable. I really appreciate that.
no subject
Date: 2017-12-08 01:03 am (UTC)He'd better follow it up with something awful. ]
Right - me, Rhys, you + strippers + crazy alien coke. Tonight.
[ ???????? ]
no subject
Date: 2017-12-08 01:46 am (UTC)[Oh, wait. Never mind, Tim's over it.]
wait what
no subject
Date: 2017-12-08 01:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-12-08 01:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-12-08 02:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-12-08 03:59 am (UTC)[Does he need to run damage control on this? Be the only goddamn adult in the room? He can't let Rhys be alone with Jack and an inadvisable amount of space cocaine, he might die.]
I guess I'm in? But for the record this is still a terrible idea.
no subject
Date: 2017-12-08 04:08 am (UTC)[ NOPE Rhys was just as unwilling, Jack just happened to talk about something so cringy that he preferred hookers and blow to having to listen to it. ]
I'll send you the date and time. Don't be late.