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ryslig

IC Inbox - Ryslig

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so how messed up are you right now?

one of my kids here is a sticky unicorn and the furniture is A MESS.

i'm just long and weird and covered in minerals.

uh on a scale of one to ten i'm at like twelve

i'm seven feet tall and i've got two structurally superfluous new faces and also there's an eyeball in my hand

god at least it's my left

also i might be starting a class action lawsuit against the fog god

what the hell, tim....

why do you have extra faces? i've only seen that like once or twice on special fog time changes some people have.

i sincerely wish you good luck with that. and hey if you win maybe you'll get some stuff from home or just stuff since i think that's all she can give us.

seriously, she gave me a soda machine.

she gave me my freckles back once

honestly idk how far this thing would even go, i'd be happy with just pissing off some of her asshole followers for a while

particularly whichever one gave the fog god freaking lsd and let her acid trip on us because that's the only explanation i've got for why we're all doing the monster mash

oh thats what happened

i think they're pretty easy to piss off. they can be really weird and cult-y. not all of them, i had some friends who were fog people, but they were cool and sane about it. a lot of them aren't.

if this is what i'm SUPPOSED to be, i have a lot of complaints to file. being just a bear or just a troll is weird enough.

yeah this better not be what i'm "supposed" to be

i have a lot of complaints too, some of which are very personal??? like there are some things you just shouldn't mess with, come on fog god

just let me live my freaking life

i already WAS what I'm supposed to be! the same thing i've been, every single generation, for thousands of years!

no there isn't, the fog messes with EVERYTHING. what super weird body thing are you stuck with?

you mean other than the ones i already said?

so

you know how i've been like bull from the waist down

well not everything had been bull and now it is and it's a Problem

....

remind me never to complain about my downstairs issues ever again, you win again. or lose?

is...there like a....support garment you could use?

we all lose

so hey guess what, it's time for 'shit you never wanted to know' featuring my dick i guess

have you ever heard of a sigmoid flexure

it's okay, monster friendships mean sharing all kinds of weird tmi.

no i have not. bit 'flex' makes it sound like your guy can lift weights and i'm pretty sure that's not what it is.

...but if it was you'd probably be the most popular monster at parties.

with the way things have been going, i wouldn't be that surprised if i woke up one day with a dick that could bench a buick

but so it's flex as in. folds? my dick folds up korra this is not okay

it just hangs out somewhere in i don't know my abdomen??? what did i do to deserve this

hey if it makes you feel any better, i'm not even one hundred percent sure what i've got going on down there, either. now it's your turn for things you didn't want to know: i can take off my pants and sit down with my legs entirely spread and you can't see ANYTHING. like you know when there's animals in comics that walk and talk and do stuff like people? and they usually wear shirts and not pants because there's just nothing down there but so much fur they may as well be wearing ten pants? that's me.

and i mean that's better than it just...hanging out hanging out, right?

that's its own like special brand of complicated and i'm sorry that you can't find your own junk

i have too much junk, you can't find your own junk

why can't we have a happy junk medium

i've typed the word junk too much it doesn't look like a word anymore

the things they don't tell you in the pamphlets.

changing into a monster is like going through puberty all over as an adult. your body changes, there's all these weird feelings, all this new hair, you don't understand your downstairs parts all of a sudden....

do you wanna go drown our genital woes in some strong booze?

i know right!!! i went through puberty once and it was awful, i shouldn't have to keep going through it in weirder and weirder ways. it's like someone took my 6th grade health textbook and gave it to stephen king

god yeah i'm always up for coping with alcohol. got a place in mind or do we want to be stupid and drink where we work

yeah puberty number one was weird enough. i guess it could be worse, at least we're still mammals.

i pretty much JUST drink where we work. since it's free.

yeah that's true, it's probably super weird to end up as like. a reptile or a fish or something. that's um

that's kind of what happened to the person i'm dating

his lower half is just like oops all tentacles whenever he gets wet

and hey free drinks is a good enough reason for me. meet you there?

all tentacles.

tim what the hell is your life?

sounds good to me. i'll see you in a little bit.

god that sure is a question

get a few drinks in me and i'm sure i'll tell you all about my half calamari boyfriend

see you

[And he'd show up a bit later at the Nest, ready to crack open a cold one with the ~~boys~~ Avatar.]

Hey, I didn't keep you waiting, right?

[Korra's not as changed as some monsters, but she stands out more now. She's much taller, her white fur is longer, particularly on her arms and around her face. The white fades into a sort of greenish blue color at the ends of her fur, and lines of raised blue and green shimmering minerals wind over her body through her fur in intricate, oceanic patterns.]

Hey, nah, I've only been here a little bit. First drink.

[She holds up her rum and cola, barely half of it already imbibed.]

And wow...you were not kidding about the really weird changes. You look like something people would find carved in old caves.

[Tim sure does look like something that some prehistoric society would've drawn on a cave wall-- seven feet tall with massive wings and glowing eyes and a vault scar cutting dramatically across his face. Practically a vault guardian himself.]

I know, right? It's a pain.

[He slips into a seat next to Korra and orders up a drink; he feels like he's earned it.]

Man, look at you, too. You've gotta be the furriest person I've ever seen. [No wonder she couldn't find her own junk.] That's kind of cool, though? The crystal stuff, I mean. It's pretty.

I think some of it's hair.

[Korra lifts one of the long, ombre toned bits and shrugs.]

I was a troll for a while, and it was the same thing. The weird long, long hair or fur or whatever on my arms and legs and at my hairline. And these.

[She gestures to the mineral veins that run through her now. At least she's had all this stuff before, it's just weird having it and her werebear stuff.]

But I am definitely the furriest person you know.

I should get you a trophy or something. 'Furriest Person in Ryslig'. Oh, or would you be Best in Show?

[Not that there were bear-person competitions or anything. Though that did raise the question of what would happen if someone entered, like, a werewolf into a dog competition. Would they be disqualified? Is there a special category for animal monsters? There are many questions.]

Seriously, though, I'm sure I'm not the first person to say this but the Fog God is kind of a bitch? Like, why all this? [He gestures down at himself.] I look like the big awful vault monster that I had to kill. Plus bonus eyeball hand, like, why.

[His drink comes. He just drinks it in one, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.]

Wow. I'm more bear than dog, so....no, no it would not be Best in Show.

[Korra laughs and signals for the current bartender to just keep them well liquefied.]

Oh yeah, I don't like either of them and I don't get why so many people throw in with them, but it's their monster life, I guess. You really did get extremely fucked up this time, I am sorry.

Does...um...they hand eye hurt?

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blap_blap - 2019-10-06 20:06 (UTC) - Expand

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IC Inbox - Ryslig

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