IC Inbox - Ryslig

[blap_blap]

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Comments

[blap_blap]

okay like kind of yes because $$$

but if he finds out that i helped you hustle him he may actually literally kill me.

like i don't know if you know this about jack? but he's got this thing about killing people where he does it a lot? and even if he didn't try to kill me afterward he'd be super bitchy at me which is almost just as bad.

[restinglichface]

wait wait

roll that back a second

what do u mean killing a lot???
like duh we gotta kill to survive i get that but like
what other sorta killing does he do
hes not the jelly type is he?

[blap_blap]

uuuuuuuuuuuuuh

okay so

jack doesn't take rejection really well? like one of his exes dumped him and he blew up her slaughterdome with an orbital bombardment kind of not well.

so short answer yes?

[restinglichface]

[mmmmmMMMMMMM]

so what u are saying is
my brother could very well be in danger associating with this guy
right

[blap_blap]

well i mean he doesn't have a space station or a corporate army or anything here so significantly less in danger than he otherwise would've been?

but also aren't we kind of all in danger around each other? we're all monsters or whatever.

okay i get that probably isn't the most comforting thing to hear. in the professional opinion that i really wish i didn't have, your brother's probably fine? jack seems to like him so he'll probably just buy him a lot of stuff to keep him happy and keep doing this sugar daddy thing to ease his midlife crisis. god i hate everything about that sentence.

[restinglichface]

[mmMMMMMMMMMM]

like
heres the thing tho

not to call my baby brother a total slut but hes a total slut
ur roomie isnt the only monster on his booty call rotation and thats just fact

is that the kinda thing thatd set ur boy off or what

[blap_blap]

i hate that i can answer this

look jack is uh

jack is like the last person to be mad at somebody about monogamy? or like a lack thereof.

[restinglichface]

yeah that part i kinda figured but thats not what im asking

i dont care if hes the last person who has the right to be mad

IS he gotta get pissed?

[blap_blap]

that's what i mean

he's like the last person to get pissed if you have a side piece

i mean he'd probably just ask for a threesome oh my god can we stop talking about jack's sex life

[restinglichface]

ok but what if i have more questions

like

how do u know so much about ur same named roomies love life?????? were u guys involved or what???

[blap_blap]

oh my god

i know you can't see me right now but i like

threw up in my mouth a little bit?

no oh my god i was never involved with jack

[No matter how much Jack wishes that he was.]

i'm supposed to be his body double so i was briefed on his general, like, behavior. also i knew his terrifying girlfriend and i think her greatest joy in life was making me super uncomfortable. i know things that can never be un-known.

[restinglichface]

[lup over here, slowly putting the pieces together......]

waitaminute
hold the phone kemosabe
lets roll this back a sec

body double
but u have the same name??? what the fuck is ur backstory my guy????

[blap_blap]

okay let me try to explain this

so like i work for jack, as his body double, because i should probably never be trusted to make my own financial decisions, whatever, it's fine

i had a whole bunch of surgery and i think gene mods???? to make me identical to him. we're not anymore because he's a freaking robot but if he ever goes human again and we stood side by side, you could tell.

part of my contract said that i couldn't use my real identity anymore and i'm supposed to be like, 24/7 jack. they faked my death and everything. so... yeah i'm supposed to tell everyone to call me jack for the next thirty years or until i die, whichever comes first, and the moral of the story is don't sign anything.

[restinglichface]

[Tim.

You realize you sound fucking crazy, right?]

WHOMST

ok so
u didnt have any money
and somehow THIS was a better alternative than getting into crime?
do u know how many banks id rob first????
also just like what the fuck my guy
what the fuck
why did no one talk u outta this fam

[blap_blap]

you want to know what's even MORE crazy than being a body double?

trying to steal from hyperion!! they would've killed me so hard that there wouldn't have been anything left to send home to mom, okay

and like i didn't originally plan to do the body double thing??? jack wanted to buy my debt so it was either that or deal with the collectors, and uh it was not uncommon for them to take kidneys if you were behind on payments so it sounded like the better deal at the time

[restinglichface]

your life is just all kinds of fucked huh

so whats better
being a cannibal monster man or jacks body double

[blap_blap]

honestly i have to kill fewer people as a cannibal monster so

[restinglichface]

u have lived a really weird life if being a monster is more normal for u

[blap_blap]

my life stopped being normal about .5 seconds after i signed the paperwork, okay

i had to be the errand boy/attack dog for a psycho on a moon that was full of like tentacle monsters and bandits, trying to make a robot army and get to an alien vault that was also full of horrible monsters??? that's my life! those are my choices! it's fine.

[restinglichface]

yeaaaah im gonna call bs on that one
nothing abt that reads fine to me

but u do u boo

[blap_blap]

idk i guess i made this bed so i get to die screaming in it or whatever

well now you know my tragic backstory. rate and review.

[restinglichface]

eeeeeeehhhh

4/10
needs more competent women kicking ass in it tbh
but as far as tragic backstories goes
it sure holds up

[blap_blap]

well you didn't ask me about athena

[restinglichface]

well shit tell me more

[blap_blap]

ok so she's part of the whole like team that i was a part of and she's this badass ex assassin lady who fights with a sword and shield. she throws the shield too? it's pretty cool

she's also super scary but she doesn't terrify me on a deep and visceral level like nisha does. like athena could totally hand my entire ass back to me but she wouldn't get off on it or anything.

and i like her girlfriend too.